Sunday, February 1, 2009

Week Four/Day One

Groundhog's Eve in the US

Big Week!  I'm practically a Native, now.  Yesterday, I bought my first, one-month metropass, and locked myself out of my apartment.  A local twofer!

Synchronicity at work: after not having seen another living, human being on this floor since moving in, nearly three weeks ago, at the moment my door shut with my key, computer and recharging mobile phone inside, a door down the hallway opened and out stepped a neighbor with a mobile phone in his very hand!  Well, Hello: I'm Kile...

As with most Aussies in my experience, he couldn't have been more helpful; despite the fact that he clearly had a destination.  Offering that he'd done this a few times, himself; he informed me that this was a Locksmith Thing, no matter what.  Back into his apartment (with a Joe Montana-autographed, framed poster of the SF 49'rs on the wall! Again with the synchronicity; he's a longtime follower of the team and loves The City.), he found the number of a locksmith who, when I called, offered to be here in 20 minutes and -- as it turned out -- charges about 70% of the going rate in the building.

So, at 9:00am on a Saturday:

The building manager was in and helpful,

I met a neighbor with ties to SF, who was also helpful,

I found an immediately-available locksmith on the first attempt,

I got a deal on the smith,

The building manager was so impressed with the guy that he invited him to put flyers in the mailboxes, as

The guy is starting his own business,

I had the cash, on-hand, to pay him.

Damn: the day was already a Win by 10:00am!

I'm attempting to upload a few photos, this week; some shots of spectacular Cape Schanck and the iconic lighthouse, some of the view from my balcony, by night and by day, with the new addition of an Aussie Flag from Australia Day...which remains in place, fluttering, "...yep, you're still in Oz, Mate!" everytime I look out my window.  

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Work continues to evolve and gain momentum.  Our new office manager and bookkeeper, my first hire, begins tomorrow; and she is sorely needed. Wanting her to feel appreciated, anticipated and welcome, I have a bouquet of deep purple Gerber Daisies being delivered to her desk before she arrives, in the morning.  This should, at least, diminish the shock at the mountain of files that await her and the sting of her organizational lash...

We've interviewed, vetted and hired a website design company; an excellent group, I believe.  In a few weeks, y'all can decide for yourselves; but the old, outdated one is down and what goes up should evoke some powerful response and ignite some new connections.  We shall see...

And, I joined a great gym: tomorrow morning begins my ramping up for competing, again, in Physique at the Games in Cologne in 2010.  I managed a Bronze Medal, in Chicago, with a 9-month lead time, a massive amount of travel and the hurdle of actually Directing the Ceremonies to surmount, last time.  This time, I'm starting 18 months out and that is the ONLY thing I am doing at the Games.  No Directing, no Advising, solely Participation!  Evermore.

Ah, and I also discovered that one can open a bank account, here, with a balance of $Zero!  Like a little chick, beak opened and chirping for a meal, my account now awaits my first paycheck...

So.  Good to go in a short and productive week.

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Standout Strine of KO's Week:

A couple of colorful colloquialisms - 

"the duck's guts" = amazing or awesome, fantastic: 

"mad as a cut snake" = pretty darn angry: 

when one is "stuffed," that person is S.O.L.  

Also, no one went to college or university or school; they all went to "Uni"....

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Just before posting this, today, I had another great hour with Scott on iChat. Having the ability to see one another, face-to-face, and catch up on the minutiae of our respective lives so wonderfully eases the pressure and pain of the distance.  I begin the conversation a tad teary, and that disappears so quickly as we are together.  Ain't technology grand?!  It sure makes the time and distance easier to bear.

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In 2006, I was fortunate to be introduced to a remarkably talented and lyrically articulate artist by the name of Matt Alber.  At the Opening Ceremonies for the Games in Soldier Field, he performed his song, "Beotia," written in memory of the legendary Army of Lovers made famous at the battle on that site.  This corps of warriors had been recruited and built of pairs of gladiatorial lovers, with the philosophy that a man will fight even more fiercely when beside his partner, out of pride, protectiveness and love.  It was a beautiful Moment in the Ceremonies, as Matt sang this in tribute to the 'army' of 11,000 athletes standing before him; having just taken the Oath, en masse.

When we met, before the performance, in the Green Room, it was clear to me that he is lit from within...that that the light - and the man - is authentic, warm and generous.

He has just released his first album; and I spent a while, yesterday, weeping through it (don't worry, I stay hydrated - I know myself!).  Song after song, he writes and sings of love in all its forms; acutely evoking the feelings of myriad, specific moments in the spectrum of love relationships.  Somehow, he is always hopeful.

That is a hopefulness I embrace.  The Owner of My Heart lives so far away; and I fall to sleep with him, every night.

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So, I was going to post the lyrics to Matt's song, "The End of the World," but better you should go to YouTube and experience it for the first time through Matts voice and imagery.  Worthwhile.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Week Three/Day One

This week has been, emotionally, much better than last.  I was able to have a wonderful iChat conversation with the man who possesses my heart; the result of which is a heart that more or less floated through the week with very few moments of sorrow.  There were certainly moments of tristezza, but moments so much easier to bear for my having been face-to-face across 10,000 miles with him for an hour.  Somehow, simply having the visual experience of his vitality and seeing the love in his own eyes as we spoke relieved so much of the angst that had accumulated with and since my departure from New York.  We laughed some, cried a bit, gave one another our usual hard time and even fell into some of the comfortable, conversational rhythm we have shared, before...

I'm far better, this week.  Though I continue to miss him profoundly and deeply; the tears are not so close to the surface - at least, not until I begin writing about him...!  I am looking forward, at what I am here to do, here to accomplish, and I focus on that, most of the time.  Having love in my arms and in my bed is something I had not expected to experience, again, and certainly not to this degree of intensity; and there is a powerful gift in discovering that I am capable of these feelings, still, and have been given the opportunity to experience such a powerful love at a time in life when many have left such intensity behind...  That, and the wonderful synchronicity of having a deep and powerful, passionate love returned to the same magnitude, at the same time, by the man I love...how rare is that?!

In my heart of hearts, I know we will see one another and be together, again; even as life continues for both of us through long periods of separation.  It may evolve and change, yet it cannot but remain profound and powerful.  And, it will be so sweet.

Damn, he is a wonderful guy.

We did discover that we shared the same, favorite quote: "If you love something, let it go; if it does not return, hunt it down and kill it."

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Speaking of wonderful.  I was surprised and deeply, deeply moved at the number of sincere, supportive and downright loving missives and messages I received from so many friends; written after having read my posting of last week.  I heard from men and women who carefully took time to tell me of love held for me and to share memories of experiences had with me that I had not remembered for a long, long time.  Some of you shared with me things, events and moments, that I did not even know, effects I'd had on others of which I had been completely unaware.  ...and thanked me!

It is I who thank each of you.  It is having and having had you in my life that has made my life the unique experience that I treasure, and you have reminded me of so much that I must hold close in the times that may seem dark.  In the past, when I have acted glad to see you, when I have lit up and embraced you, it has been because I AM glad to see you...I WANT to hug and hold you, in greeting.  The outpouring of love from you, just this last week, shows me what great instincts I have for finding and befriending Good People.  Thank you for reaching out to me and catching me, as I was experiencing imbalance...you caught me, before I might fall.

Your support could not have been better timed nor more eloquently expressed.

Thank you, and Good on Ya!

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By the way; a tidbit about my new place in the Docklands...  The address is on Waterview Walk; and, it wasn't until the lease was being signed that I learned the building is named, "The Watergate."  ...not only that, but walking around the corner to the local market, I discovered that the restaurant, immediately behind the building, is named "The Nixon."  Yikes.

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Tomorrow is Australia Day; the annual celebration of the day that Captain Cook and the British Fleet entered Sydney Harbour.  And, if we think that Americans get Patriotic around Independence Day, I'd say the Aussies give us a run for the money when it comes to exuberant pride.  Since Friday, everywhere one looks are people wearing the Australian Flag as a cape; and, now, the hats have come out!  All sorts and kinds of hats, most with broad brims and festive decor, festooned with multiple Aussie flags - the more flamboyant and ridiculous, the beddah...  And that's the conservative folk; LONG before we even get to The Gay and well before the Drag Queens!

I'm almost afraid to look!

I'm out at the beach house of my new employer, Dave, and his family (beautiful wife, Kathryn, and daughter, Jasmine) at Cape Schanck, the Southernmost point on the Australian Continent - only Tasmania is further south; by overnight ferry from Melbourne.  The other member of our Management Team, Brad, is here with his girlfriend for a weekend of relaxation, surfing, backyard cricket and this afternoon's barbecue, replete with Shrimp.  Yes, 'tis the Full Cliche Weekend and I'm most definitely up for this.

Southern Cross station is three blocks from my building, and a quiet and comfortable one-hour train ride brought me down the peninsula to Frankston, where Dave picked me up and drove me to this hilltop, paradisiacal villa, overlooking Bass Strait, which runs between the Indian Ocean and the Pacific, separating Tasmania from the mainland.  From where I am sitting to write this, all I can see are green trees, the occasional rooftop, sandy beach, crashing waves and rolling ocean, stretching toward the hazy horizon.

It is 73 degrees Fahrenheit, 23 Centigrade and, no matter how the temperature might be articulated, the day is fantastically comfortable and balmy.  Occasionally, a blustery wind blows through; but it's so warm that it calls to mind the quick, welcoming, Aussie embrace that this open culture seems to offer every visitor or newcomer.

The early mornings are so quiet; the air is virtually still and even the birds seem to whisper, barely audible over the conversation of the surf that is more sensed and felt than heard.  It is as though each part of nature takes care to not intrude on another...

Today's Lesson in Strine: As I am writing this, Kathryn turned and asked me if I know what "The Tip" is.  My response was that I, um, am aware of several meanings but wasn't clear on what might be that to which she was referring.  Well, The Tip is where, when one has a lot of garbage to scrap, one fills the trunk (boot) or truck (or "ute," for Utility Vehicle) and takes it to a place where a pit is dug and "tips" the garbage into it.  The Tip would, then, be what we would call the Dump...or, politely, the Landfill.

This week has been pretty wonderful.  We brought the entire staff in from Perth and Melbourne to initiate the Relaunch of the Company; a full day-and-a-half of conversation, evaluation and education on the process of rebranding we are about to undertake, including a full-on seminar on my own philosophies and methodologies of experiential storytelling, based in human physiology, cultural anthropology, decades of experience and no small number of mistakes made and learned-from...essentially, the reason(s) Dave brought me down here, in the first place.

It was a high-energy experience for us all, and sparked lively discussion on ways to create storytelling, messaging and celebratory experiences and market our evolving firm in ways that will set us apart from others...pretenders to the Throne of Standards we intend to set.  Not everyone was thrilled with our new, "dress the part" philosophy, but I think the Team'll come around as each realizes the far-reaching value of the First Impression.

This is such a good Team; they're all young, exceptionally sharp, committed and talented.  I think that, over the course of the next few months, we can begin to build a brand that distinguishes us from what might otherwise be perceived as competition, and discover ourselves and our company being sought out even more than before.  Up to now, the appeal and draw of this company has been the persona of Dave, the founder and owner: what we want is to expand that identification in such a way that his compelling persona permeates and emanates from whatever combination of Team members is assigned to any client, task or production.

From creative methods to production organizational technique to expression of the brand in print, online, on site and on sight; it is my job to inspire and nurture the growth of this company and the respect and appeal we want to build and enjoy as we set the standards we hope to set.

I hope not to frak it up!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Week Two/Day One

The answer to The Most Often Asked Question: Clockwise.

Clockwise is the direction in which the water encircles the drain, here.  Actually, as I recall, I believe this is the same as up North; ergo, another Urban Myth dispelled.

The new position is great; I can't imagine being more fully embraced, more warmly and enthusiastically welcomed...  I have spent the week becoming familiar with the context and history of the company, orienting myself to the city of Melbourne, checking out neighborhoods and seeking a place to live.

I've been learning the language...  For instance, telling a client in Australia that I would use "wireless lavs" in a show: I would MEAN wireless lavaliere microphones for the talent, onstage.  What would be UNDERSTOOD would be my intention to install wifi in the bathrooms.  Gotta be careful, clear and watch the faces of those around me.  I check with the others on the DGglobal team often, on colloquialism and nomenclature...

The weather has been in the 60's and 70's and balmy, with the occasional cool evening; a tad more appealing than the below-zero freezer that Manhattan has been, this week.  I have taken an apartment in a high-rise in The Docklands, from which I can see views of the Bay, some parts of the Harbour, a park, the Yarra River and a BIT of construction.  At night, the construction becomes a latticework of lights, so it isn't so bad; and the tradeoff of altitude and being able to see the water and encroaching weather is worth it, to me.

Tradeoffs.

This opportunity is truly One of a Lifetime.  I have the good fortune to have been asked to do a job for which I am exceptionally well-suited; and to which I will, I believe, be able to make a valuable and profitable difference to the growth and evolution of this company while surrounded with happy, open, energetic, honest and caring people who thoroughly enjoy what they do - what we do - and only want to get better at it and do more of it.

My days are full, and full of discovery, exploration, conviviality and no small amount of learning and out-on-a-limb-ing.  I am happy and increasingly enthusiastic as I increasingly appreciate the magnitude of the tasks before me and the quality of the others on this team...and, most importantly to me, the faith in which I have been vested by the owner of the company.

Though, when night falls and it all grows quiet...in the early mornings when the air is still and the birds are first stirring...then is when I realize and feel the impact and import of what I have left behind.  The friends, I know I will keep; for I have always been assiduous at keeping in communication with those for whom I care.  But the love I have had to leave had taken such deep root and become such a valuable and nurturing part of me that his absence is a cavernous, painful void within me...an emptiness I cannot fill.

The tears come easily if I don't remain vigilant; the pain of separation is poised, ready to spring into my consciousness at the moment my guard may drop.  I have traveled so far away from a love I had hoped to find for so long; a love stronger and more passionate than any I have ever experienced, before, and far more profoundly felt than I had thought possible for a man this far along the road.  A love finally found, a love that found me, and a love I have left behind.   Sometimes I think I simply cannot bear this.

In 1990 I swore, when Terry died, that if I ever found love, again, that I would never forsake that love for work or career: and, now, I have done exactly that.

This is all the more painful because I know in my soul what I am leaving behind and how spectacularly rare is something of this depth and quality... How completely, nearly desperately, I wanted to find it, and how when I was looking the other way, it found me.  It took nearly twenty years for this to come along; actually, given that this is stronger than anything I have ever experienced, I suppose it took my entire adult life to discover this: I can't imagine this can happen again, in my lifetime.  

He loved me, unconditionally, against tremendously obstructive conditions. This loss is profound; the more painful because the feelings have not died, I have forsaken them.  Him.  It is killing me.  The irony is that it is his love that, in no small part, helped to make me ready and right for this job.

I could not remain in New York in the face of this: he cannot leave New York in light of his own position.

It is as hard on him as it is on me.  He needs to take care of himself; and for him that means not attempting to maintain something so geographically distant.  I must respect this; yet every fibre of my being screams at the thought of losing him.  I am losing him.

I had thought that I might refresh my surfing skills, after settling in Australia; but I have already been so battered and bashed about by the waves of emotion, during this first week, that I don't see myself adding to that tidal tumult with anything beyond the virtual and emotional in which I am now immersed.

Deep Breath.

Today is Midsumma in Melbourne; it's a huge, annual event.  I think I'll take today and be among the throngs of happy people who live here...

I promise the next post will be more upbeat.

January 8 - 10, 2009

Frankfurt - Friday, January 9, 2009 - 11:25 local

-en route to Singapore, en route to Melbourne

Kiss today goodbye and tie me kangaroo down, I am on my way to Australia and the building of a new life in a place where, for decades, I have only -- and ardently -- dreamed of living...knowing it was a goal unattainable.  And, here I am.

I have left cities, before; many of them.  Each time, I have departed with a sense of having completed something and with feelings of excited anticipation for the challenge that lay ahead.  Onward, upward, outward...first start to the right and straight on 'til sunrise...

My departure from New York and the U.S. has been more deeply complex.  For one thing, the complete extrication from a society is a very different process than the transfer of services from one city to another within the same country.  Canceling subscriptions, shutting down phone service with no forwarding message to be left, emptying out an apartment and dividing everything between what is to accompany one into the future and what is to find use in other lives in other ways; all this has carried with it such a strong sense of finality and import...and stirs deep emotions.

Many hours later...

Aboard Singapore Airlines Flight 0217 - still traveling - 3hrs 25min out of Melbourne

-where it is now 4:50pm on the day of my arrival...at 8:20 tonight

After hours of flying over the bluest blues of the Indian Ocean, we are just now crossing over the northern coastline of my new home continent.  As we pass over the crashing line of surf, there lies a vast expanse of brown and red; even the roads, down there, seem to be of red clay, very sparsely lacing the landscape with their open network.  For the next three hours, we'll be flying over Australia in daylight; and I can absorb the expanse of this country...will we successfully adopt one another?

It is now beginning to settle on me, more solidly, the magnitude of this undertaking.  I am flying solo as is is possible to fly.  No friends nearby, no family, a new and powerful love left behind; I shall be spending great amounts of time with myself...

10,000 miles away from home, and I am about to take all the lessons I have learned about myself and apply them here.  I know that I must keep in mind the real effect I often have on those around me; not only my ability to teach, inspire and create but also my unintentional ability to sometimes intimidate and seem confrontational when often my intent is simply to clarify.  Intent doesn't matter, effects and results matter.  I bring all this to a new table... All the unique qualities that are a part of my makeup in an up-to-date package; all of value, some of volatility, each depending on the level of power I put behind them.  So, awareness and moderation will be watchwords in this new context and culture.

The redness of Western Australia stretches beyond the horizon, on a hazily clear day.  The magnitude of this place is moving.  The magnitude of what I am undertaking is more profoundly stirring, still...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

- The day after the Coffee Pot Farewell Thing

excerpted from my thank you note - 

"...What has come so completely into focus for me is the richness of my experience, here in New York.  As, one after another, your faces came through the door; I was moved more and more profoundly.  Some of you I had not seen for years, some of our friendships have been kept warm and current through email even though we may live mere blocks apart - such is the way of Manhattan.

"But, there you were; men and women I knew before coming to New York, friends whom I've met and made while here, friendly acquaintances who have added life and color to my unique experience of Manhattan, people with whom I have shared some of the exciting and wonderful moments as well as some of the darkest times of the past twelve years...each of you taking the time to brave the elements, the shoppers and the tourists of Times Square to come and say, 'farewell.'

"In many ways, my period in New York has been a tough one; and I have gone through some very dark moments, here.  There was a point, some time back, when I believed I could easily leave New York without a backward glance.  Your warm presence, yesterday, reminded me of so much, so many people whom I will miss, when I depart.  I may no longer be a part of New York; but, what I have undergone in New York will forever be a part of the man I have become.  I could not go into this next chapter of my life without having passed through here...

"I saw, so clearly, yesterday, what wealth I have enjoyed in this place.  I have laughed much and cried some; experienced the daily exhilaration of opening my door and being at The Center of the World, experienced the relief of surviving at the end of each day...I have met men and women who are creative, loving, intelligent, adventurous, caring and thoughtful and who find ways to express these qualities even as each engages in the daily battle...and, in the home stretch, I have met a man who has taken my heart.

"It is far more difficult to leave New York than I  thought it would be, and it hurts to go; I am compelled to say that I am grateful that this is so."