…after two intense days at the meeting of the Amnesty International Global Communications Group, during which I presented the plans for messaging, talent management, communications strategy and the vision for our national action to take place during our 50th Anniversary Year, in 2011.
It was a dark and rainy, Parisian day. The taxi arrived and we left in the shiny blackness for Charles de Gaulle. As we splashed through the shining streets of the City of Light and I watched the awakening metropolis pass my window, I had to wonder at the changes my life has undergone during this past year since returning from Australia.
A week prior, I’d flown to San Francisco on my monthly advance trip for our expanded, public conference, taking place in March of next year. The fact that next year’s conference is in that city is no accident, as San Francisco is one of the founding cities of Amnesty International USA; though it is serendipitous, as that is where my adult life and true career began. That is my heart’s hometown; there, I am able to do my job significantly easier, as I still hold fond and familiar keys to many a door, there.
On Saturday, I flew through Dallas, arriving in Paris on Sunday morning. I reconnoitered with my co-worker in a long walk along the Seine, deep in conversation about the work of the coming year, then returned to my room to work until late.
Now, after having been welcomed to the conversation and finding my concepts for some of the major events of the coming year embraced by nearly 20 other countries with commitments to join, expand and participate, I was on my way back to New York. Though the flight was to land at 2pm, the mini-gauntlet would not yet have been over; as there still remained a 60-minute drive to Garrison to present the same concepts to an in-house group, then back to NYC in the evening.
I slept well, that night.
I have a great job as Executive Producer for Amnesty International USA’s 50th Anniversary Project: media, talent management, communications and all major events from December 10, 2010 to December 10, 2011. The responsibility is great and, while the mission is one that is unhesitatingly easy to embrace, the more one examines the magnitude of the scope the greater that magnitude becomes. I don’t have time to become overwhelmed.
About my fourth week at Apple, my manager asked me how I was doing. I told him I was frustrated; that I was used to knowing everything about a job I had taken and being able to handle it all. At Apple, I didn’t know my way around, didn’t know the systems, didn’t know anything but that I love the technology and was learning to like the atmosphere. He said, “well, you are very well-liked, here, and we’re glad you’ve joined us.” Kept me going, kept me positive, but it was a tough learning curve.
In retrospect, that was excellent preparation for this job. I have no doubts as to my being uniquely suited to accomplish what is needed, here. I have a skill and experience set, intuitions, aptitudes and talent that has been hard to come by and encompasses myriad industries and disciplines that can all come together to yield a year that will surpass expectation.
There is no road map, however. What needs to be accomplished has not been done, before. While I’m The Guy for The Job, this isn’t something I can in any way simply Do; I cannot step in, build a team and levy systems and processes in order to get "the show" up by deadline. Rather, I have to untangle layer upon layer of an idiosyncratic culture and massage into existence new coalitions and collaborations in order to forge a new sense of team and mission that supports what’s there and opens the organization up to the powerful evolution we envision through 2011. I have to be patient (don’t laugh), pick my battles, think, evaluate, decide, act, inspire, motivate and manage. I am finding my way, talent and tools in hand, and know I can help create the cultural shift that will fuel a very public campaign and a string of productive successes, next year.
Ironically, my mandate mirrors that for which I moved to Australia, in that to realize the responsibilities in which I have been vested is going to require a significant cultural shift; and change is uncomfortable. Fortunately, at AIUSA I report to a leader who appreciates that this is a difficult process and that there will be resistance to such change. When the time came for it, he unhesitatingly showed his mettle, his commitment to effecting the changes that will be required to accomplish what we envision, and that I’m his Guy, The Guy responsible.
He backs me; that is the simple and profound difference between this and my experience Downunda.
Having had that experience in Oz gives me the perspective to both appreciate the resistance for what it has represented AND appreciate the leadership to whom I now answer. While I don’t believe that “things happen for a reason,” these two things have happened in an order that has afforded me some crucial lessons that support me, now. Had I not had the experiences of the past two years, my experience of the past 25 years wouldn’t serve me quite so well as it now does.
Go figure.
So, I’ve come a long way since August, a year ago. August 19: I’ve been back a year and a month. From homeless and jobless to a wonderful apartment that offers me comfort and solace and a fantastic job that offers me daily challenges and wonderful, fulfilling successes.
And, I don’t know how I might have made it were it not for the love and support of Scott.
Unfortunately, we didn’t make it and ceased being with one another in late Spring. It was a quiet moment of realization…an acceptance of something I think we both feared was coming…as two adults articulated what each wanted from the relationship and found we could not give one another what he wanted or needed. Quite painful, I believe, for both of us; I know my tears well within me, still, and show themselves at certain moments. I think we both continue to love one another; I know that I do.
And, though we haven’t seen one another since, we do communicate by email and text – reminiscent of when we had one another more physically in each other’s lives. That may be wise, it may be not, but we communicate and send laughs to one another and whatever it may be it softens his absence in my life. And I feel that absence, deeply.
He did something fantastic, though. Alone at Opening Ceremonies in Cologne – as Scott, of course, did not come with – just as the procession ended and the show began, texts began appearing on my iPhone. From Scott; watching the ceremony via webstream, live! We ended up dishing the show just as we would have had we been sitting together in the stands; with the added benefit that we didn’t offend anyone around us! I was thrilled that he’d reach out like that, and it made the evening and the event for me.
He is a wonderful man. I wish we could have made it work, and I treasure him and all he has done as lover, as friend.
Cologne? No medals, but I looked fantastic!
So, onward. I was compelled, tonight, to reach out and share What Has Transpired; as life is so different, now, than I foresaw when I looked ahead from the end of last year.
I miss this blog, and I miss the connection it gave me to you who read it. I may come back to it again from time to time. Meanwhile, come to New York! I have room to host and the arms stand ready to hug.
