Week Twenty - Five / Day One
My First Memory is of My Second Circumcision...Really.
No kidding.
I remember getting out of our car and holding my mother's hand as she walked me down the breezeway of the ranch-style office building (after all, this was Southern California in the '50's), past other offices toward our own doctor. There was much Brown; dusty dirt, tumbleweeds, dried-out cactus beds, and sun-bleached colors, outside...cocoa-colored and veneer-covered walls, inside, with brown trim; all set-off with brown shag carpeting.
It was quiet, and the skin on the back of my little, shorts-clad legs made that sticky sound as I fidgeted on the vinyl cushions while we waited for
I-didn't-know-what. Every few moments, the frosted-glass window in the Reception Wall would slide open and the nurse on the other side would say a name or issue some instruction and someone else in the waiting room would come to the window or disappear behind the (brown) door...
Such a cute and trusting kid...I was all curious when I heard my name and Mother and I walked through the door.
Another nurse escorted us into the Examining Room and, with a flourish worthy of a master magician, pulled a grand length of tissue from the roll at the top of the table, yanked it up, into the air then pulled it taut and secured it at the bottom of the platform...then patted the place where she wanted me to sit and wait for the doctor.
I climbed up.
Mother and I chatted about things until the doctor arrived and had me lie down. I remember the brittle crunching of the tissue paper as the doctor undid my pants and pulled them down. That was my first actual clue that something nasty was about to happen. (I already knew that anything that took place "down there," shouldn't.)
So, there I am, lying on my back with my pants down in front of my Mother. Somehow, I knew this was something with which I was definitely not comfortable.
The next thing I knew, he had my penis in his grip and was aiming this very shiny, very tiny, very sharp-looking pair of scissors at it. Did I mention that this tool was VERY sharp-looking? Looks did not deceive, and suddenly I felt an intense and searing pain.
I vividly remember watching those blades approach and hook into my tender skin, then sharply circumnavigate my little unit, very slowly, as I HOWLED in pain. I looked up at my protector, and Mother was looking on, "sympathetically..."
I'm sure that helped.
Apparently, there was a hygiene issue that mom had "overlooked," when bathing me; and the first circumcision had more-or-less healed and become infected, over time. Bummer.
In retrospect, this turns out to have been my first (remembered) experience of the manner and style with which my Mother would handle my life until I could finally wrest it from her. Not that she actually meant to create the misery and confusion she did; it's just that said misery is the side effect of the classic denial and avoidance with which she handled anything that made her uncomfortable.
This is more or less the way my family handled anything sexual; just look the other way... Wait'll I tell you about coming out to her!
All in all, I'm ambivalent as to whether it is best for men to be cut or uncut; but NO child ought to be cut, TWICE!
-Excerpted from Chapter One of my
AutoBiography-in-Progress:
"Don't Try This at Home"
I remember taking the Landmark Forum in Orlando while I was working with you...and establishing some "defining moments" that may have shaped my personality and "winning formula". For me, I so very much wanted to hang out with my mom--who was beautiful, smart, and completely selfless. Bedtime preempted my time with her, so...I performed and was funny for her friends--so that THEY would campaign for me to be allowed to stay up a bit longer. (Such is the beginning of the life of this performer. Makes sense, don't it?)
ReplyDeleteWas there peace between you and your mother at some point...I hope?
GREAT excerpt!! Keep 'em coming!!
Love,
Doug
No child should have to be circumcised the first time...and, if it happens, it should only be to protect life itself. The penis is the organ of pleasure and procreation, and it needs to be treated that way, gently, appreciatively, and protectively! After all, this is the organ that is responsible for and will ensure survival of the species!
ReplyDeleteWhen done in the early years of life, circumcision is always perceived by the child as betrayal by the mother. It is her job to protect her son through the period of his first developmental task of establishing trust. How could this child grow up to ever trust a woman again? Then, when the amputation is done by a male, the mother and male are complicitous. How could this child grow up to ever trust anyone again?
I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope you'll read further on the issue so that you will understand the absurdity and sickness in cutting off a part of a child's genitals for non-therapeutic reasons. Circumcision is not a medical issue, it's a human rights issue.
See: www.nocirc.org, www.IntactAmerica.org, www.cirp.org, www.circumstitions.com, www.icgi.org, and this just represents a small sample of what is available on the Internet!
Thanks for sharing your story. If more men had the courage to do so, to not be embarrassed about something some loved one allowed and some ghoul did to them, circumcision would come to a screeching halt. It's only because it's been practiced for millennia that it continues. Once we look at circumcision through the legal, ethical, and human rights lens of the 21st Century, it's easy to see there is no place for an anachronistic blood ritual in civilized society, in a civilized world. For, as Karl Menninger said, "What we do to children, they will do to society," and Gandhi said, "If we are ever to have real peace, we must begin with the children."