Dental Damn...

I continue to have nightmares about Australia.

Last night, I dreamed my erstwhile employer contacted me, full of contrition and apology for the disastrous effects he had on my life; then asked me to return to Oz and do what was originally pitched...and I WENT! Nothing had changed, and I spent the dream trying to return home. Nightmare. Awful.

Many is the night wherein I jolt awake, wresting myself from another turbulent, violent, disquieting dream; occasionally stabbing poor Scott with my elbow, on the nights I spend with him. Fortunately, the lightness with which I sleep is balanced by his own, deep slumber. He awakens, but returns to the land of Morpheus with little interruption. I continue to wonder - to be a little bewildered, even - at the profundity of the negative affect of that sojourn Down Under on my psyche.

After a swig of room-temperature water sent electric shockwaves throughout my mouth, I had to admit to having trouble with extreme sensitivity of some of my teeth, so went to the dentist, this week. Lo and Behold, I've been grinding my teeth, excessively, to the extent that I've worn the enamel off a row of molars, exposing the more sensitive stuff, beneath. Oh, fine. Now, I sleep with a rubber guard to protect these pearly greys...

Recovery, in every respect, is truly going to take some time...anxiety simmers and roils beneath the surface, continuously. The negativity of the atmosphere into which I parachuted at the first of the year and the long-term results with which I'll be dealing for quite some time, professionally, eke a profound, daily toll on my evasive serenity.

I continue to actively seek a position to which I'm suited, and am regularly pitching consulting projects. As the economy heals, let's hope the prospects brighten and I can ramp up the climb out of the damage that's been done.
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Meanwhile, I had a rather Boffo week at Le Marche. A number of customers with whom I'd spent time, last week, sharing my own experience of the machines, have returned to seek me out and make their purchases. It is a great feeling to help people make these decisions, knowing the result will significantly enhance the quality of life for each new owner, as s/he learns and adopts this elegant, intuitive, elastic technology.

It's almost like teaching; answering questions, sharing information, giving examples, offering practical experience, observing exploration and discovery, enjoying the comprehension and embracing of The New. Watching the sometimes-trepidacious smiles on the faces of new owners, knowing how happy they are going to be as new expectations are met and exceeded...and receiving the occasional personal expression of excitement and gratitude on return visits to augment the original purchase or train on it.

At work, I'm having a blast. It's refreshing, vibrant, alive with diversity and an ongoing onslaught of daily obstacles and personalities that keep the time moving. At least it keeps my mind alert and flexible. This Saturday, I will be teaching my first course at the store; a 3-hour seminar on the Operating System to new owners...should be great, as many of them will likely have received their machines on Christmas.

Should be a good, albeit early, morning...

I hope this is a step toward the Corporate level and Marketing; as my customer and management-observation reviews have been pretty great. Of course, it's only been just over a month; so time, time, time...

Something truly must break, soon. This job, alone, doesn't come even close to supporting me, even without rent. It is awfully good for my head, though, as well as my sense of self-confidence as I interact with and relate to each, successive customer and continue to get to know these great kids with which I work.

Brilliant group.
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I am able to be outside of myself, more than had been the case a month ago. I see more of the human drama that is around me, flowing through, above and below the streets of this iconic city.

It's winter, so the Subway Panhandler Quotient has risen. One early morning, last week, a trio of rather drunk guys boarded the train; laughing amongst themselves as they put one of their number on a milk crate, pulled a Santa hat onto his head, handed him his guitar and took seats on the side of the car to watch. I gathered that the musician was the only one with talent, and the other two were Assisting by keeping him liquored and playing...

As he strummed his instrument, though, I watched a serene look come over his face and he began to sing. He had clearly gone to another place; inside his head, where the talent he discovered as a youth continues to reside and his muse - tired and beaten though she may be - still offers what is left of Inspiration.

He sang; mumbling and mixing up the words of a spiritual Christmas Carol, while so clearly living deep in his own head. I wondered where he was; on what stage on what night with who in the audience that he loved. I don't have money to give away, these days; but I wanted to share just a little with him...knowing that only a sip or two would probably reach his own lips...

I'm down, far down, but not that Down.
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The snow has finally fallen on Manhattan and Winter hath Begun. The Memorial Walk of wreaths in commemoration of the lost of 9/11 now carries a fresh, soft mantle of white and a bit of quiet rests on the city, itself. This will all dissipate as the week rushes onward toward Christmas; but it did put a restful respite of relief on the penultimate weekend of the year.

I am grateful for the love in my life and my Love in my arms on these cold nights. There is far more comfort there than I had imagined I would ever again find.

I treasure and cherish this, and offer the same in return...and find that it is accepted and embraced.

I wish my friends a wonderful and loving Christmas Season