Gimme That Damn Envelope...!

On this day in 1980, I gave an Oscar Party in San Francisco; then, my new home. I hadn't yet lived in SF for a year, though had already met and made some wonderful friends; many of whom - those still living - remain a part of my life, today.

I rented a suite at the Bedford Arms on Post Street, borrowed twelve television sets, asked a friend of mine who worked for Durkee to donate samples of their toaster-oven hors d'oeuvre, bought some champagne, invited all 30 of the people I knew in the City and gave my first Oscar Party. I didn't know it was a "first" at the time; but lo, it turned out to be a monster-in-the-making.

Television sets were positioned everywhere such that, no matter where one was standing or sitting, at least one screen was easily visible. There were even two in the bathroom; one on the back of the john and one facing it so that, sitting or standing, not a moment of the broadcast would be missed. The mixed crowd of friends, each dressed in black-tie or the equivalent, toasted the winners and became a little toasted, ourselves, and had a ball...

It grew. The next year, there were about 60 people; the next, over 100. In the interim, my Lover, Don, and I had split: the way I like to put it, "...he took the crystal, I took the party..." And, the party grew exponentially, each year, rapidly becoming too large for me to finance it, myself; thus an iconic fundraiser was born.

Breaking the paradigm of the traditional Oscar Party, there was food everywhere, screens everywhere, sound everywhere (even tucked into the food stations), and far fewer seats than guests, creating a comfortable, kinetic dynamic and flow. For those who need to see every moment of the show, there were quiet corners with dedicated monitors and food close at hand; for those who wanted to chat and catch the Big Moments, there was the rest of the space in which to move and chat and nosh and never actually be out of range of the view or the sound.

In order to give full integrity to each ticket price or contribution, 100% of the expenses were underwritten so that, even were only one ticket sold, the entire cost of that ticket would go to the selected charity or charities. Many tickets were sold, though, many of them; and comps were very, very rare...

And, it grew. From 100 to 300 to over 500 to 1000 and beyond; a classic, San Francisco crowd. Eclectically-dressed in black-tie or black-tie adjacent, always glamourous, straight, gay, in-between; from the most glittering of drag queens to the most beautiful of women to the endless smiles of men in tuxes or -- as the dancing began -- sometimes out of them...a quintessential, post-modern San Francisco crowd.

Something about this thing having originated from an actual group of friends seems to have continued to permeate the energy of the experience at what is now called Academy of Friends. One can go to this party, alone, and be greeted as warmly as though s/he had been coming to the event for years. It is the most welcoming of large-scale events, and many people even now plan to meet one another on The Night, annually, as part of the experience.

Originally, part of the mystique was the fact that each year the event would unfold in a different location, a new venue, sometimes being the first event to take place in a new atrium or hotel. From the rotunda of City Hall to the hottest of SoMa NightSpots to the august marble halls of the Federal Reserve Bank, this specific manifestation of San Francisco Oscar Glamour has traveled the city; though now, there are very few spaces large enough to hold and host the magic of this evening.

Early on, to help me organize and produce, I asked a few of my friends from various aspects of the event and entertainment industries in San Francisco to join me, as a "Committee," promising only three meetings a year; a promise that lasted....one year.

Rapidly, the experience and mission -- and need -- grew to the extent that Committee became Board and event become non-profit and three meetings a year became monthly Board meetings with subcommittees and homework. Key, through all of this, has been the hands-on nature of the members of the Board. There is no pointing to work and specifying, there is only Doing.

...and Doing. These Board members work their Oscars off.

There truly is no other event like this one. Born out of a confluence of circumstance, epidemic, creativity and the evolution of a suppressed and besieged population becoming enlightened to the power of the multiplied, small contribution; this Oscar Party is a benchmark in shared experience, successful fundraising, camp and glamour.

I remember announcing in the rotunda of City Hall, back in the '80's, the groundbreaking figure of $35,000.00 raised in one evening and hearing the surprised crowd go wild in appreciation of what was at the time such a huge and nearly unimaginable figure...right before we all sang "Happy Birthday" to Mayor Agnos' wife, Sherry, in a rousing chorus that was led by Nancy Pelosi.

Now entering its 30th year, Academy of Friends raises millions of dollars, annually, for AIDS direct care and educational programs, "...where the need is greatest at the time..." With a Board of Directors well into its seventh or eighth generation, the spirit of those original Friends and Committee Members lives on in the work and in the results...and very much in the Spirit.

It's quite a phenomenon, this organization, and the annual Oscar Gala is now the flagship in an armada of ongoing efforts to keep educating and enlightening and caring for those who need or can benefit from the work of small agencies that form the web of support for the myriad needs of a community that remains at siege by an insidious virus and the concomitant fears of an often myopic public.

At the center of it all is this Annual Gala; a fantastic experience like no other. If you are in or near San Francisco, go! If not, make plans to go next year. I can only say that, in my experience, no one attends the Annual Academy of Friends Gala only once.

What else does one need to know?