Wha'?! Whoa! Not Quite So Fast...!

Who
Knew
I
Had
So
Much
POWER!?

No sooner do I write down that I want to return to San Francisco in the future than the Universe aligns, a CFO is fired, a comfortably risk-bearing surplus is revealed to be a crippling deficit, a board of directors panics, all of my programs for the 50th Anniversary are cancelled or drastically cut back...and I am out of a job, in January.

Ah, I know this road, well.

I suppose I could have been more clear in articulating that I wanted to return to SF with a JOB......and in 2012......but, hey, I appreciate the Responsiveness! 'Tis good to know I can have this effect. Now, to learn to control my powers and be sure to use them only for good...mostly.

I was there nearly a year, long enough to have a positive effect; we managed to get some good films produced and created quite a bump in traffic to the website with initiatives created around our Launch. There was so much time and effort spent, though, laying the groundwork for some pretty fantastic, expansive stuff that, now, will simply never be realized; leaving me to wrestle with myself and my inclination to interpret the futility as a personal failure.

Is this a Male Thing, this perception of Personal Failure? Natural; or only something I do to myself? I skirt that dark, black hole, staying far back to avoid slipping again into that abyss. But, to be candid, I am not feeling the pull from it that I've felt, before. The past three years have shown me my own resilience, and the past several months have actually served more to strengthen my confidence in myself and my work than not.

I think I'll be fine.

Coincidentally, about a month ago, during a visit to the Genius Bar at Apple Soho, my old manager asked if I'd be interested in returning, part-time. At that moment, I jumped at the opportunity to immerse myself again in that culture of articulate integrity, of intelligence and aggressive, open teamwork without the sluggishness, the bureaucracy and paranoia of the iconic non-profit.

I went in to do the paperwork, last week, and it was a virtual love-fest on the floor. "I hear you're coming back; that's fantastic?" "There has been a hole in my heart since you left us..." "Dude! You're gonna be back with us...!" That place was so good for my transitional head, last time; who knows what it will be and where it will lead, now?

I only wish I could support myself in that environment; or that the environments wherein I might support myself were more universally representative of such a positive culture. Ah, well; we shall see where this all leads...

So, I'm looking bi-coastally; here and in SF. The only way I would leave NYC would be with an actual job in SF, and I don't see that happening in the near future. Google is seeking an Executive Producer of their NYC Creative Lab to which I have applied (they really should snap me up!), another local production company wants me to meet the rest of their production team after the first of the year with some creative work in mind, I've put out some feelers to and around both Cities in the few days I had before the Holiday hit.

But, ain't nothin' gonna happen over Christmas; so the CV is re-written, I have a fire in the fireplace in my great Chelsea-adjacent apartment, the gym is three blocks away and I'm using this time to rest and regenerate...and prepare for what the Universe may yet have in store...

Dear Universe:

On this Christmas Day, I'm saying that I want work that makes a difference to people's lives, structures to build that can support those who need support, aid or service, stories to tell that can move and inspire others, experiences to create that can immerse people, connect them to one another and reawaken feelings and memories perhaps thought lost; compelling them to reach out...I want to add value.

and, I wouldn't mind being paid for it.